I Got Nothing

After a very short night of sleep, I awoke to stormy weather today. I brewed a pot of coffee and sat on my porch listening to it rain and thunder, something that usually brings peace to my soul. Today though the rain drops just remind me of tears and the loss of my dear friend.

As I sat there cradling the cup of warm liquid, I tried to pray. I tried to find the words to speak to my heavenly Father. Looking for guidance, direction or just anything from Him. But I got nothing, no burning bush, no audible voice, absolutely nothing. This morning I was desperate to know that what I've believed for almost half of my life was in fact true, that I hadn't been playing the fool all these years just believing in a fairy tale.

Yet as I sat there, I felt so alone, so abandoned. I thought of my Pastor's family and what they must be going through this morning, and wondered, "Where are you God?" As I turned to pick up my coffee cup, I noticed a motion out of the corner of my eye and looked up to see a coyote going across my neighbor's yard. He had a beautiful coat of hair that was blonde, but sort of gray too. He paused just long enough for me to get a good look at him, then he was off. I thought that was strange, as I've heard them in the distance before but never seen one up close.

Just then I heard the familiar hum of a hummingbird coming to the feeder I set up by my porch. I love watching those little avians flit around the feeder and then speed off to wherever it is they go. As I followed this one's path as he flew away, I noticed a bunny rabbit eating grass in my front yard. A few minutes later, another hummingbird flew up and as I watched it depart, there was a large squirrel hopping through the yard. I began to notice all of the various birds chirping and then saw one of the largest crane type birds I've ever seen flying through the sky.

It was at this time that I had an impression in my heart and these words formed in my head, "I'm here son, I've never left and I never will." I began to praise my Father telling Him that I would praise Him for who He is, regardless of what I was feeling. I praised Him for a few minutes and began to pray in tongues, releasing that perfect prayer that Paul talked about. The heaviness that I had been experiencing lifted off of me, and I found myself in a true place of thankfulness.

I am still saddened by the loss of my Pastor, that is just a natural thing that won't ever leave me, but I find it amazing how my God knew just what to use to show me His great love for me when I was feeling alone and having some doubts. My Father is truly amazing and will meet us where we are at, regardless of how we feel or what things look like. Remember the words of Jesus, "I will never leave you, nor forsake you." (Hebrews 13:5)

Keep your heads up folks, we've still got a work to do here!