Discipline and Children

Last night while at church, I was talking with a friend that was in from out of town when I noticed that she was carrying a freshly made wooden paddle. I asked her if a man in my church had made that for her, and she said, "Yes he did."

My bride and I are no strangers to the wooden paddle, we've actually owned somewhere in the neighborhood of six to ten of them over the years. We've owned that many because I'm pretty sure that my son Noah had thrown a lot of them in the trash when we weren't looking. We did finally get smart and start keeping the paddle up high where our kids couldn't reach them.

I will say that for us, we believe in the use of corporal punishment as a way of training children. We do not believe in abusing children, and while I won't say we never disciplined our children when we were angry, we did our very best when we had to spank them to always do so in a loving and controlled manner.

I know that there are those who say that if you spank your children, you will only teach them that hitting is okay. And I would agree with that assessment to a certain degree, let me explain. If you are spanking your child without some ground rules, then you may very well be causing more harm than good. Let's take a look at some of the basic points in disciplining your child with a paddle, then we will break each of them down specifically.

1. Never spank your child for an offense that you haven't first explained to them.
2. Never spank your child when you are angry.
3. Never spank your child using your hand. (Hands are made for holding and loving your child, not hitting.)
4. Never spank your child and then just walk away. Always love on them afterwards.

Let me explain number 1, your house should have a set of rules that your children obey. They need to be age specific, that is don't make them too hard for your kids to understand, keep them simple. Things like, obey instantly, don't fight with your brothers or sisters and respect your parents. Explain these things to your kids, and tell them what the consequences are if they don't. Then the first time that they break one of the rules, sit them down and explain to them once more, making them repeat back to you what the rule is.

After that, when they break the rules, you talk to them, explaining what they've done wrong and have them repeat back to you what they did wrong (So that you know that they understand.) and then you give them a couple of swats on their butt (This is where the discipline should happen, not their face, arms, legs or anywhere else, just their butt.)

Now, for number 2, you should never discipline your child while you're angry. I know that from time to time it will happen, but you should do everything in your power to remain calm while you are doling out their punishment. It's not easy, but it can be done. If you need to take a minute and calm yourself down, do that, then proceed with the punishment. Remember, the reason you are punishing your child is to help them learn to replace the bad behavior with the good. And this won't happen if you are angry.

Number 3, never ever spank your children with your hands. In our home, we taught our kids to fear the paddle, not their parents. We love our children, as I'm sure that you love yours. We wanted to keep the relationship, (And parenting is all about relationships.) and not have our children fearing us. I have seen too many children recoil when their parents reach out for them with outstretched arms, and that is never good. Always remember we are to love our kids, and part of that comes from disciplining them, but in the right way.

Having the correct tool will help in this too. I don't like belts, switches or anything like that, what we used was a half inch thick, twelve inch long solid wooden paddle to get the point across to our children, and it works. I mentioned this before, but it bears mentioning again, when you are paddling your child, do so on their butt. That is the one area that God made us able to take this form of punishment. Also, when you are administering the spanking, do so that it leaves an impression but not a bruise. If you are bruising your children, then you are doing it incorrectly. In the state of Oklahoma (Where I live.) it is actually a misdemeanor offense to leave a bruise.

And number 4; once you've talked with your child to make sure they understand why they are getting a spanking, you've made sure that you are not angry while administering the punishment and you then have paddled their butt, be sure that you love on them. What we always did with our kids was give them a couple of minutes to cry it out (After all if they aren't crying then it didn't hurt and you didn't do your job right.) then we would have them come to us, we'd dry their tears and together we would pray and ask God to forgive them for what they had done wrong. After that we would love on our kids which let them know that we loved them so much.

Spanking, when done correctly takes about five minutes and helps to train the child in making the adjustments necessary so that they can become the productive member of society that they need to be. And if this is begun when they are little, then by the age of 8 - 10 you usually will find that you won't have to be spanking much at all. I've heard just about every argument against spanking a child, but none of them lead children where they need to go as well as using a paddle and following a designated plan. Well, there's that, remember be your kid's friend, but also their parents, because they need you as a parent now, the friendship will come later.