Where did that come from?

You know for several years now, I've been on a search to recover my heart. I'm 44 years old, and I've been born again for over 20 years, but it's just been in the last probably 4 years that I've really been able to access the various compartments of my heart and make sense (sometimes) of them.

To seek and save that which was lost, was the mission that Jesus undertook when He came to Earth. And what was lost was man's heart and the ability to have a deep and intimate relationship with the Father God. So even though I've been saved for all these years, my heart has been pretty beat up and I'm still uncovering areas that haven't been looked into in the deep recesses that only God and I know. And as John Eldredge said in his latest book Walking with God, sometimes God has to sneak up on us and bring us to those places in our heart.

One of those places showed up this morning. My first customer of the day was a refund. A shoe that was purchased 3 months ago, brought back for a refund. Now, my first inclination was to dismiss this customer entirely because he was bringing back the merchandise. I concluded the transaction, with my best "thank you" face, then went to put the shoes back in stock. It was at this point that I really got the most upset.

I found myself muttering and complaining about this guy. Talking to myself, and griping. About 10 steps towards the rack, I stopped and asked myself, "Whoa, where's this coming from?" I also asked the Lord where that was coming from. I mean why can I be super nice when someone is buying something, then not very nice if they bring it back? What's going on in my heart here Father?

This has been an area that I've struggled with for a long many years, probably as long as I've been selling shoes. Now that I think about it, I have been getting torqued about this since I can remember. What is going on here Lord? I heard Him say in my heart that this upsets me because I really don't trust Him like I should. I don't know maybe I feel as if someone returning merchandise for whatever reason is like a report card on how I'm doing. Okay, so where did that come from Father?

So as you can see, there is a lot of unpacking to do here and I'm sure that I'll not figure it all out in a day. It may take a week, month heck even a year or so, who knows? I just know that it is an area that needs attention, and with the Father at my side I will make it.

So I guess my prayer now is; "Thanks Lord for sneaking up on me, and exposing this part of my heart that is not fully holy like You would like it to be. Father me through this time, and help me to see any agreements that I've made that have hindered me in having a fully restored heart in this place. Make me holy, like You are holy in Jesus Name. Amen."

Hang with me folks, the ride is about to get bumpy....strength and honor.....