What Is My Life For Anyway?

For the past little while, I have been contemplating what my life is exactly for. As I reach the half-way point in my life (And yes I expect to reach 100.) I find myself asking more and more what is my life for anyway? Am I just to live to work most of my days, reaching the end of my life and be satisfied that I have worked and provided for my family? I know that Scripture teaches that he who doesn't provide for his family is worse than an unbeliever. (1 Timothy 5:8) So I understand that this is a part of it, but there still seems to be something more.

I don't know why there seems to be something more that I want. I mean can't I just be content with what I have? Apparently not, as I am not content at this point in my life. The thing that bothers me about this, is that I want to be content. I'd love to be at a place in my life where I knew that for the next 20 - 30 years I had a plan of what I was going to do in that time.

Following God is hard some days. There I said it. I know there are some people who would counsel me by saying, "You have the Spirit of the living God inside you. You should know each and every day what your next step is." And perhaps that is true, maybe I'm just not being spiritual enough, but many days, I spend wondering what the next step is, even after praying. It seems that a lot of times God is just being quiet.

Rocky (Sylvester Stallone) said it best in the final Rocky movie, when he told his son, "Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat yo to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it."

This is something I know, and yet I find myself where his son was in the movie; blaming other things for the way that he himself was feeling. For me, it's the economy, my place in God's Kingdom or some days just a plain old why? This is the part of me that becomes melancholy and wants to withdraw from society and that I know is wrong. So I stand against the enemy and his attacks against my soul, and yet wonder if all of my questioning are really just attacks, or if there is some truth behind some of my questions.

Part of this could just be the changes that are taking place in my home, what with the graduation of my son and him soon going off to continue his life's journey which will lead him away from home. My daughter is soon to have more freedom afforded to her as she gets a car and her driver's licence. My babies are growing up, and they no longer need me for the things that they used to, and that in itself is probably part of my problem, that feeling of insignificance. Which leads back to the question what is my life for anyway?

The definition of insignificant is: lacking meaning or importance, not worth considering, lacking influence. Am I just afraid that I am becoming insignificant in my life? That the roles I am playing at this point in my life are having less impact on the world around me? What is in this Lord? Why does this bother me, and what are You trying to show me through this revelation? Could it be that because my impact on the world is now changing to a different area that it is causing this feeling of insignificance? That could be a possibility, I'll have to pray through that a little bit more today.

So as you can see, life for old Dave isn't always sunshine and roses, and that doesn't mean that I can't ask questions about myself either. I think one of the best ways to find out where you are, is to ask yourself hard questions and to seek the answers with the Father in prayer. What I don't want to do is find myself at a point in my life where I am doing the same old thing, never even taking the time to ask if I'm doing the right thing. Well there's that, get 'em up folks, let's go out and whip something for the Kingdom today!