Look Mommy, Look!

Have you ever had one of those profound moments in life? You know, some call it having an epiphany, others a revelation from God. For me it came sitting outside on my porch with a cup of coffee in my hand.

I was enjoying the Presence of my Father, taking in the cool morning and watching the various animals on a parade of His glory, all the while thinking about myself and what is going on in my life right at this time. You know those times when you begin to evaluate where you are at, and why you are where you are, that kind of thing.

In my thinking, I was reminded of something that I learned about myself many years ago, and that is how as a child I was always looking for affirmation that I was a good boy, that things I did mattered. The really funny thing is that I will be forty-eight later this year, and it dawned on me that I am still looking for that affirmation. I basically am still saying, Look Mommy, look what I've done!" It just kind of snuck up on me too.

The only problem with that, (And I might add I thought I had dealt with this part of my childhood and put it behind me.) is that when you are looking to others for affirmation that you are doing a good job, if you don't receive the praise that you are wanting it leaves you feeling like less than the person you were hoping you were. And in that, you begin a downward spiral that never leads you anywhere good.

As I sat there on my porch thinking about that, I thought, "Where is this coming from? Why now Lord?" I think we all have this need to know that who we are is important, and that we are making a difference in our world. Yet when we come up short, it's almost as if it seems that we are unimportant, or the impact that we are making on the world isn't worth much. Of course that isn't true. And unlike George Bailey in "It's a Wonderful Life", we may never know just how large of an impact we've made on others.

Now, does this mean just because the Lord has revealed this to me that this is over in my life? No. As I stated earlier, I thought I had resolved this issue years ago. Looks like there is still a residual part of it there in my soul that needs attention. Affirmation in itself is not the problem, we all need to be affirmed, heck even God the Father affirmed Jesus on the day of His baptism. "This is my Son in whom I am well pleased." (Matthew 3:17) It's the "need" for affirmation that I need to work on, so I guess I will.

I need to work on it, because the "need" for affirmation means that I am placing on those around me this hope that they will meet, which truthfully they cannot fill. So while I'm being set up to fail because of this "need for affirmation", I am also setting those around me up to fail when they don't give me what it is that I perceive as needing from them. It's a double whammy kind of set up from the devil that causes everyone to lose. Well, I've got to stop doing that.

Get 'em up folks, let's go out and whip something for the Kingdom today!