Hesitancy...and the gospel of me.....

This morning as I was reading and enjoying a little quiet time with the Father, I pondered my life and where I have come from these last few years. What I was thinking really was, "What would be the main thing that I have yet to overcome in my life?" And the word that I heard was "Hesitancy".

I immediately made myself a mental note to look up that word, and went on with my reading. When I got to work, I checked the definition of the word hesitancy, and this is what I found:
Hesitancy: (noun) hesitation or indecision; doubt.
(synonyms)

1. Doubt, indecision, skepticism, irresolution, uncertaintity.
2. Delay, wavering, delaying, procrastination, pause

Well, so now I can see that I've been nailed by the Father here. When I've been hesitant in any aspect of my life I have been in doubt, wavering. And it seems that there is a scripture that talks about that: (James 1:5-8)

5 If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.
6 But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed.
7 For let not that man think that he shall receive any thing of the Lord.
8 A double minded man is unstable in all his ways.

In looking back on my life (all 44 years of it), if I was going to be honest with myself, I would have to say that I have always been one of those hesitant guys. I mean, I don't jump out in front and take the lead very often. Oh occasionally I will if it is in a large group, but I'm talking about my personal life here. I tend to lean more towards the passive and not the aggressive behaviour.

What gets me with this, is that all this time I've thought that I was trusting God, but if I'm hesitant with the things that He has shown me, then I'm actually in doubt, and doubt is the opposite of faith. And we all know that without faith it is impossible to please God. For he that comes to Him must believe and not doubt. So if I'm in doubt, I'm not in faith, and that puts Dave into a very precarious position.

I think that I'm finding a truth here, one that has eluded me for a good many years. I've got to follow after this and see into which parts of my heart it leads. I'm sure that one thing is true, if the Father leads me there, He will help me with whatever I find. After all that is what the scriputre in James is talking about, when we don't know, ask the Father, because He wants to help us.