Finding My Voice Again

For a good many years, I have known what my role is in the body of Christ.  I've walked with a singular vision of what I felt God wanted me to do. Then change hit my life, and with it a lot of uncertainty, and a small dose of anxiety too. Not debilitating anxiety where your life comes crashing down, but the type of anxiety where you really don't understand where you are in life and what it is you should be doing.

My friend Amberly Bell spoke yesterday at church and asked the question, "Do you ever feel like there is more to this life than just existing?"  This is one of the many questions which have run through my mind in the past several months.  I feel there is way more to this life, except I find myself daily just going through the motions hoping that tomorrow will be a better day. Do you ever feel this way?

It's as if I've lost my voice, and now need to find it once again. This is not a place I enjoy. The uncertainty of it all is truly unsettling.  I have a responsibility to my wife and family to provide for their needs, and I'm happy to do it, yet lurking in the background always is the thought that there is something more to be done.  Yet, there never seems to be enough time to do the things it feels I should be doing.

I used to be a prince of the city, a business man and now I'm just a cog in the machinery of the company I work for. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy my job and the men I work with, it's just I've had to reinvent myself, and the freedom I used to have to pursue some of the things I felt God wanted me to do I no longer enjoy. Wow, this is starting to sound like a pity party.

I know I probably do more for the Kingdom of God than I realize, it's just where is my voice now? What is it I'm supposed to say? Have I just laid down what God has told me to do, or is it time to change roles in His Kingdom again? I'm a little confused at this point and need to spend time with Him in prayer seeking the answers, which is what I should always do. (Even though this should be apparent to me, I still need reminding).

So with that, I guess I'll sign off for today and go spend a little time in my Father's Presence. Strength and honor for the Kingdom and the King!