Lonely?

Have you ever felt lonely? I don't mean have you ever been alone, I mean have you ever felt lonely? Loneliness is something that can happen to you in a crowded room, and it is a horrible feeling. I know that as a Christian I am not supposed to be moved by what I feel, yet that doesn't mean that I totally disregard my feelings either. Christians are not supposed to be like Mr. Spock on Star Trek, devoid of human emotions.

Loneliness is something that seems to be haunting my steps on a daily basis here lately. At home, at church and at work, irregardless of how many people are around me. If I get quiet for too long I feel a sense of loneliness that tries to overwhelm me. And the really funny thing is that I know Jesus promised to never leave me or forsake me, (Hebrews 13:5) and that the Holy Spirit is right there with me at all times (John 14:16). And yes, there is some comfort in that, but at times I seem to just crave a little human contact that doesn't involve me instigating it.

Oh, I'm sure that this has something to do with the fact that one of my best friends is out of the country right now, and I've started this new job where I am away from family and friends for close to twelve hours each day. Not to mention that the place that I find myself in at almost 50 years old is in a starting over mode. I guess it's just not where I expected to find myself at this point in my life.

I read a book called "Point Man" by Steve Farrar a few years ago, it is a book about how a man needs to lead his family. He takes the term "point man" from the military, talking about the man who is out in front leading and looking for the enemy. This is one of the most dangerous places to be when you are out on patrol, because you are the first one seen by the enemy. If you are out in front, then you are going to be the one to take the hit first, and that too can be a lonely job.

Leadership in and of itself almost by definition means to be alone. Leaders lead, that is the crux of it. People follow leadership that is true, but if you find yourself in a leadership role, you will almost invariably find yourself alone at some point. And when you do, that is when you have to rely on the Holy Spirit to lead you. Because truly, in what I have found in my life at least, I don't really know what I'm doing most days. I have to stay close to Jesus in order to make sure that I am not leading my family into a trap of the enemy.

I have been feeling lonely, that is a true statement. What I'm not letting happen however is me being so overwhelmed by this loneliness that I am unable to lead my family. It's not a fun place to be, but it is one that I understand and I will assume because my family needs me to lead, not because I'm the best at it, just because it is the position that God has placed me in as the husband and father of the Felts family.

So if you have ever felt lonely, or are feeling that way right now, look to Jesus. After all it is a fact that He will never leave you or forsake you so that you can boldly say, "The Lord is my helper, in what will I be afraid?"

Strength and honor for the Kingdom and the King!