I Hate Valentine's Day

This is what I heard John Eldredge say last year about this time when some friends of ours went with me and my bride to hear John and Stasi Eldredge on their latest book tour for the book Love & War. There were polite chuckles from the men as we heard him say that, not uproarious laughter, just polite chuckles, none of us really wanted our wives to think that we agreed with him after all.

I have to say that I do agree with him on this one though, and my reasons are the same. It seems that Valentine's Day is a day for men to perform well in the area of how we love our brides. We men are performance based creatures that's to be sure, but with this holiday it seems that we have to not only perform well, but we have to do it bigger and better than each previous year. I've gotta tell you the pressure to come through on this is huge.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that the ladies are to blame, they're not. They too, I believe have expectations that they are trying to live up to as well. If anyone is to blame, let's put the blame on the greeting card industry. After all, aren't they the ones who are pushing all those sappy colored cards, and cheap chocolates on us?

Valentine's Day is a day that we are suppose to express how much we love our spouse. One day! I mean, one lousy day to tell her how much they mean to us? Come on, shouldn't love be an every day thing? I'm pretty sure that we are commanded by Jesus to love (John 13:34), but not just one day a year.

If you have read this far, then you probably think that I am a guy, like most who just doesn't understand what it means to be romantic. Well that's not true at all, I'm actually a hopeless romantic. I love the idea of romance, and do enjoy a good chick flick too! Most guys are so busy trying to make their place in this world, that a lot of times they just miss their gal's heart completely. Now I'm not saying that I never miss my bride's heart, I do, but I am working to be more aware of it every day.

I heard about a couple going through marriage counseling once, and the wife poured out her heart to the counselor for almost an hour, while the husband just sat there. Once she had finished, he looked at the counselor and said, "I don't understand where all this is coming from?" To which she cried out, "Don't you love me?" His reply summed up the problem, "Of course I love you, I married you didn't I? I go to work every day for you don't I?"

This may seem funny, and the first time I heard it I actually laughed, but the sad thing is that this really is how so many men see it. I told you I loved you when I married you, that should have been enough. And you know for him it probably is, but guys, for her it isn't. Women are relational, that means they need relationships. Men need them too, but for so long we've been told that we need to be loners, that what our relationships look like usually involve grunting and punching each other in the arm while laughing.

One of my favorite scenes in any movie I've ever watched, is from the movie Enchanted. It's a story about a girl who is waiting for her prince to arrive. Through the story, a prince shows up and takes her to his castle to marry her, but as in most fairy tales, the wicked step mother causes her to be sent from the cartooned fairy tale to the real life New York city. She is helped by a kind stranger and in this clip she is asking him how his fiance' knows that he loves her. Click the picture to see the musical number in the park.

Guys, she will only know we love her if we show her, daily. You don't have to be a Don Juan or super rich to do this either, it's really simple. Write her a note and tell her how you feel about her (stay away from physical aspects here too). Learn what her favorite color, flower and movie is. Then surprise her with something from that list (on a day other than Valentine's Day). The key here guys is to get to know her, you show someone how much you love them, by how much you know them. If she loves Pepsi, but you bring home Coke because you like it better than Pepsi, you are not showing love for your bride. (Thanks Joe McGee)

This isn't rocket science people, think back to when you were dating and try and remember what it was about your spouse that drew you to them. Go back and do some of those things you used to do when you were dating. Hey, here's a novel idea, why don't you go on a date again? You know let her know you are taking her out the day before (give her the opportunity to get prepared for it) and then get a sitter if you need to and get out there and enjoy each others company and rekindle those old feelings for each other.

I do hate Valentine's Day, but I so love my bride and she's worth any effort that I put in to showing her that. So get 'em up folks, let's go whip something for the Kingdom!