Green Eyed Monster

Life is a very interesting and fickle thing.  One day you’re on top of the world, and the next you can feel as if you are on the very bottom of it, and for no reason at all.

Jesus said in John 10:10 says the thief comes only to kill, steal and destroy.  Did Jesus mean this in actuality?  Did He mean physically the devil would steal, kill and destroy?  I believe the answer to this is yes, but also so much more than that.

Do you have dreams, aspirations or things you feel strongly about doing?  I know I do.  I have felt for years now I was destined for some great thing the Lord wanted me to do.  I have dreamed about helping other people come to the knowledge of God’s Word and fulfill the purpose for what God created them for.

John Eldredge’s work through his many books helped to birth this desire inside of me.  It is something which is a passion of mine now, to help men become who God wants them to be.  Yet at times I feel this dream of mine seemingly gets further and further away.

It’s like being at the beach, you decide to get in and swim in the warm salty water.  So you begin paddling and enjoying it, when you look up and see you have now been swept down the beach by the current.  You began in the water with your family on the beach in front of you, and after several minutes you are now a quarter of a mile away from them.

This is what it feels like for me right now.  I have always tried my best to give an accurate description of where I am in life, and what is going on with me.  And it has always been easier to do so in writing.  I’m sure there are times when it may come across as whining, but I assure you this is not what I want to do.  Writing this out is actually a form of therapy for me, and in the course of helping myself, if what I’ve written can help others too, then I feel in a little way I’m actually doing what I am designed to do.

The thief comes to steal, kill and destroy.  I feel as if my dream of helping others has been, or is in the process of being stolen from me.  It seems the harder I try to do what God has designed me to do, the further away from it I get.  This is one of the reasons I have been getting out of bed thirty minutes earlier each day just so I can do some more writing.

What about you?  What are your dreams?  And are you living your dream, or has it been stolen from you as well?  You know it’s an interesting fact about the word thief in John 10:10, it actually means a “pilferer”.  Now in case you didn’t know what a pilferer is, it is a thief which steals a little bit here and a little bit there.  He doesn’t steal it all at once; he just takes a little at a time.  He does this because it is harder to notice.

If our enemy was to come in and steal everything all at once, we would stand up and resist him.  But if he can take a little here and a little there, we end up in a place where we didn’t even realize we were being stolen from until our dream is almost gone.

This is where I find myself today.  I’ve allowed the enemy to steal from me by looking at what others are doing and have done in their lives.  Instead of rejoicing with others, a lot of times I’ve stood back and said, why them and not me.  Oh, I’ve not said it out loud, or to anyone.  But it’s been there in the back of my mind, lurking around stealing from me.

So what do I do now?  How do I go about getting this fixed?  A thief once caught in the act, won’t be able to steal any more right?  Not unless I continue to let him waltz in and do so.  It seems to me then the answer is to resist the enemy and not let him steal anything further, which I will do starting today.

I’m a little embarrassed about admitting this, but sometimes I have to be open and transparent like this to get to where I need to go to fix whatever is going on with me.  I have been jealous of others and their successes in life, instead of being happy for them.  I believe now this may in part be why I’m not where I desire to be today.

Jealousy is a big old green eyed monster which if allowed will consume you to the point of being irrelevant, which is where I’m afraid I’ve been heading.  The saddest thing about this is I believed I was going in the right direction the whole time.  Starting today, I’m going to do everything in my power to work at getting this green eyed monster off of my back, and get back to doing what I know to do.

If you are a praying person, I’d appreciate your prayers of support as I begin this journey of getting back to where I can be relevant and living the dream which God placed in my heart so many years ago.  And as always thanks for letting me get things off of my chest.

Strength and honor for the Kingdom and the King!