Monday, February 18, 2008

When did I lose it, and where did it go?

Sitting at a reception party for a friend's oldest daughter who had just gotten married, I was struck with a profound thought while watching a bunch of little kids on the dance floor.

When did I lose the ability to live in the moment, and not worry what anyone thought? I watched a little 2 year old lady named Ella shaking her groove thing to various different songs, and as she danced, some older boys would try some fancy dance move and she would imitate it. There was no reservation about her, she was truly living in the moment, and didn't care what anyone else thought, (even though she did want her mom & dad to see her) as I watched this, I thought this is a wonderful thing to see.

It got me to thinking about my own life, and where I have begun to to hold back, and as I thought about that, I wondered why exactly do I hold back? I mean do you ever think about the things that you do? Do you just push forward, without any regards to what people will think about you? I know that I talk a good game, and truthfully I don't really care what people think of me, but do I really mean it?

I felt like dancing that night, and have felt that way on several occasions, but have always just talked myself out of it. Why is that? If I truly don't care what people think, why wouldn't I just get out there and dance? Why can I not seem to live in the moment, when really at the core of who I am I want to? It's kinda like Paul said in the Bible (and I'm paraphrasing here) the things that I want to do, I don't and the things I don't want to do, I do...oh wicked man that I am.....

Does this ever happen to you? What do you do to over come it?